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Shame is how addictions survive.
Shame has no limits or boundaries. It affects us all, men and women, regardless of who we are, or what we do. Left untouched, it will align itself with a fundamental feeling of being flawed. It becomes the fuel that drives the engine of negative behaviors.
In the New York Times bestselling book Healing the Shame That Binds You, John Bradshaw writes, “I used to drink to solve the problems caused by drinking. The more I drank to relieve my shame-based loneliness and hurt, the more I felt ashamed. Shame is the motivator behind our toxic behaviors: the compulsion, codependency, addiction, and drive to super-achieve that breaks down the family and destroys personal lives. It limits the development of self-esteem, causes anxiety and depression, and limits our ability to be connected in relationships.”[1]
Your brain on shame is precisely where the addiction wants you to be. Shame will convince you that you are a bad person, and leave you in a state of worthlessness. It will have its way with you and repeat the cycle of addiction, telling you that you will never change, that you’re not good enough, that you’re defective and flawed. When shame is speaking louder than hope, you may not have the fight to defeat it, and you truly believe the lies that say you are not good enough and not even God would forgive you. In that state of mind, the shame makes you feel invisible and of no value to yourself and others.
[1] John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame That Binds You, (Health Communications, Inc., 2005), 36.