The induced trauma and impact on mind and body from a sexual addiction can have a devastating impact on your spouse’s physical body. It can affect both her relationship to her body (how she sees or takes care of her body) and cause new medical concerns.
This dimension deals with how the body holds the trauma. She may develop an eating disorder, whether it’s anorexia, bulimia, or overeating; her body is in shock and suffering and trying to manage the new stress. This kind of stress due to her trauma can also cause hair loss, insomnia, crying spells, falling into a fetal position, moaning and screaming for the pain to stop, and not wanting to be touched.
Emily’s husband had same-sex attraction, and this affected many aspects of body trauma. In her impact letter, one of the areas she focused on was intimacy, her sexuality, and how her body broke down as “she felt cheated and blocked out of his life.” Emily wrote:
“I did the things I thought a husband would want; I initiated sex, and you did not want to; I dressed up for you; you did not buy or encourage me to wear sexy lingerie.
“The whole issue of your sexuality and how it affected me was very hard to comprehend. I felt cheated and blocked out of your life, and I physically wanted to throw up. I had no idea how to deal with this issue, but I didn’t know it stemmed from your childhood abuse from your brother. Not only that, I felt used by you to cover your homosexual feelings, to make yourself look like a normal man to those around you, just having a family to prove you weren’t gay, and I provided that cover-up. Specifically, I felt you weren’t there for me sexually, it was about getting your needs met. My body started to break down, I gained weight, sleep deprived, I had crying episodes when I couldn’t stop, and I had moments when I raged and scared myself. I suddenly was having doctor appointments that led from one condition to another. I felt I didn’t want to rock the boat by bringing up how I felt throughout the years so you would not block me further from your life and give me the silent treatment. I came to you as a virgin, in love and honoring the marriage vows and not afraid of giving myself sexually to you. However, I longed for intimacy with you throughout our whole marriage. Since I felt my soul ripped in two, I did not feel like we were one flesh biblically. My body shook in fear when I thought of the things you had done. I prayed much on this and decided that I would not have sex until we dedicated our lives to getting help for sexual addiction, being emotionally healthy, understanding God’s life plan, and having open honesty, and communicating regularly. Our relationship lacked intimacy in all areas of our marriage, and my body, mind, and spirit needed medical attention.”[1][DR1]
Emily and many other partners experience the fourth dimension of bodily impact. The relationship between the mind and body is highly intertwined. Just think of what it was like when you were caught in sexual sin, worried about the outcome in your life and relationships. You might have been sick to your stomach or had anxiety and high blood pressure. The lies we tell ourselves, what we believe as true or not, and how we violated our belief system, lead to bodily stress even when it’s exposed and can lead to depression and other symptoms.
[1] Minwalla, https://minwallamodel.com