Trauma Model
In her book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, Dr. Barbara Steffens, a leading expert on healing from sexual betrayal trauma, writes about how many spouses experience symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) soon and shortly after discovery.[1]If left untreated, these symptoms can cause significant emotional and physical damage. One of her key findings was that 70% of all partners of sex addicts met mostly all the criteria regarding life-threatening circumstances for a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some of the emotional signs are anxiety and the inability to stop worrying. Some days, she may feel unattached or have an out-of-body experience; nothing seems to make sense anymore. Her foundation has been stripped to the core, and she can barely hold herself together, which, of course, causes more anxiety and instability. Life as she knew it has been irrevocably changed. She may not be able to function and manage her life to the same extent she’s used to. This only adds to her hopelessness and depression. She experiences sleeplessness and even nightmares. The lack of sleep induces more anxiety and hyper-vigilance, as in racing thoughts, or perhaps hypervigilance, a lack of motivation, and depression. She feels scattered; her thoughts are all over the place. They feel intrusive and unwanted. She is desperate to have the distorted and negative thoughts go away, but her racing mind keeps telling her, “It’s your fault, you weren’t good enough, you’re to blame for this, this can’t be, must be all a dream, how could he do this to me.” Part of her knows the thoughts are lies, yet her thoughts are relentless and persist even at her hardest attempt to stop them from continuing.
To help and support your partner in her healing process, you need to know and understand the trauma she’s in. The American Psychological Association defines trauma as, “An emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, crime, natural disaster, physical or emotional abuse, neglect, experiencing or witnessing violence, death of a loved one, war, and more. Immediately after the event, shock and denial are typical. Longer term reactions include unpredictable emotions, flashbacks, strained relationships, and even physical symptoms like headaches or nausea.”[2]
Dr. Omar Minwalla has developed a model for helping us understand the specific ways that sexual addiction traumatizes partners, called the Thirteen Dimensions of Sex Addiction-Induced Trauma. Each dimension is a cluster of common traumatic impacts, traumatic processes, and post-traumatic symptom sequences. He writes, “Not all symptoms may be relevant for every partner or spouse. Trauma is subjective, and individuals are completely different and unique in how they process and express the impact of trauma.”[3]
Dr. Omar Minwalla first studied sexual trauma among partners in 2005 and 2006. Dr. Minwalla and The Institute for Sexual Health (ISH) went on to further develop and refine a total of thirteen dimensions of sex addiction-induced trauma among partners and spouses through direct clinical application and grounded-theory research methodology.[4]
The Thirteen Dimensions are:
- Discovery Trauma
- Disclosure Trauma
- Reality-Ego Fragmentation
- Impact on Body and Medical Intersection
- External Crisis and Destabilization
- SAIT hyper-vigilance and Re-Experiencing
- Dynamics of Perpetration, Violation, and Abuse (SAIP)
- Sexual Trauma
- Gender Wounds and Gender-Based Trauma (GBT)
- Relational Trauma and Attachment Injuries
- Family, Communal, and Social Injuries
- Treatment-Induced Trauma
- Existential and Spiritual Trauma
We will review Dr. Omar Minwalla’s thirteen dimensions of trauma in future post. The dimensions have been adapted to fit the stories that I will cover in terms of Dr. Minwalla’s protocol. He is an exceptional writer, and you can find a more detailed definition at https://minwallamodel.com to give you a better understanding of the vast impact that each dimension has had on your partner
[1] Barbara Steffens and Marsha Means, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal, (New Horizon Press, 2009), 62
[2] American Psychological Association, “Trauma,” https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma, Accessed May 22, 2024.
[3] Omar Minwalla, “Education in Deceptive Sexuality and Trauma Treatment,” Institute for Sexual Health. https://minwallamodel.com/ Accessed June 5, 2024.
[4] Minwalla, https://minwallamodel.com/