In the aftermath of discovering a spouse’s sexual secrets and addiction, a partner is traumatized. Most women are blindsided, shocked and lose their sense of reality. She is impacted relationally, emotionally, physically, socially, medically, sexually, spiritually. And as a woman, wife and mother.
In her book, Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, Dr. Barbara Stephens, a leading expert on healing from sexual betrayal trauma, writes about how many spouses experience symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Soon and shortly after discovery, if left untreated, these symptoms can cause significant emotional and physical damage.
Some of the emotional signs are anxiety and the inability to stop worrying. Some days she may feel unattached or have an out-of-body experience. Nothing seems to make sense anymore. Her foundation has been stripped to the core, and she can barely hold herself together, which, of course, causes more anxiety and instability. Life as she knew it has been irrevocably changed. She may not be able to function and manage her life to the same extent she used to. This only adds to her hopelessness and depression.
She experiences sleeplessness and even nightmares. The lack of sleep induces more anxiety and hypervigilance, as in racing thoughts, or perhaps a lack of motivation and depression. She feels scattered. Her thoughts are all over the place. They feel intrusive and unwanted. She’s desperate to have the distorted and negative thoughts go away, but her racing mind keeps telling her things such as “It’s your fault,” “You aren’t good enough,” “You’re to blame for this,” “This can’t be,” “Must be all a dream,” and “How could he do this to me?” Part of her knows the thoughts are lies, yet her thoughts are relentless and persist even at the hardest attempt to stop them from continuing.
All of this matters, and this is why it is even more important to stay on task, and write your restitution letter with the knowledge of the 13 Dimensions, which I will share in my next blog.